


if I could fall asleep

by seimaisin



Series: Learn To Crawl [1]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M, Porn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 19:08:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seimaisin/pseuds/seimaisin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cauthrien and Nathaniel are both in Nevarra. There is porn. If you're looking for actual plot here, you've come to the wrong fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if I could fall asleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Serindrana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serindrana/gifts).



> A holiday gift for Serindrana. Title stolen from Jon McLaughlin's "If Only I."

Cauthrien turned her horse toward the Warden’s camp before she could change her mind. A voice in her head chanted to the beat of hooves on the ground. _Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea, bad idea_. But she didn’t turn around. What was waiting for her back at the inn? Watery mead, tasteless food, a cold bed. The same things that had been waiting for her since she arrived in Nevarra.

She’d been offered more. She was going to take it, at least for the night, and damn the consequences.

All three Wardens were gathered around the fire when she rode up. They looked up in unison when they heard her horse approach. A moment later, the man and woman (whose names she still didn’t remember, and only a small part of her felt bad about that) disappeared into the woods, leaving only Nathaniel sitting on the opposite side of the fire as she dismounted. “I didn’t expect you to come,” he said.

“I can go if I’m not wanted.” Cauthrien’s voice was sharper than she intended, and she winced.

“No.” Nathaniel stood. He’d abandoned his Warden armor for a simple tunic and pants, which allowed Cauthrien to note the breadth of his shoulders, the span of his waist. She felt herself flush, but straightened her spine and clamped down on her nerves. She’d come here for one reason. There was no reason to pretend - to herself or to him - that neither of them knew it. “I wouldn’t have asked,” Nathaniel said, walking around the fire, “if I hadn’t meant it. I just didn’t know if you’d …”

“Me either,” she confessed.

Nathaniel came to stand in front of her. “Had you sent word,” he said softly, his hand coming up to touch her cheek, “I would have come to the inn. It might have been more comfortable.”

Cauthrien snorted. “And the rest of the company would have irritated me into violence. A fistfight might have ruined whatever mood you’re looking for.”

His laughter vibrated down her spine. “I have to wonder why you continue working with a company you so clearly hate.”

She shrugged. “It’s a living.”

“Plenty of other places to make a living, especially for someone good with a sword.”

“Are you saying you wish I wasn’t here?”

“No. Not at all.” His thumb brushed over her jaw before he pulled his hand back. “Are you in the mood for conversation?” he asked abruptly.

“No.”

He nodded, the smile on his face transforming into something that made the butterflies in Cauthrien’s stomach stir again. He gestured toward the tent farthest away from them. “I doubt Alren and Jeyne will be back for a while,” he said, offering his hand. “In case you worried.”

It wasn’t anything she’d thought of, but Cauthrien was grateful for the assurance that they wouldn’t be overheard. She hadn’t considered Nathaniel’s fellow Wardens - or anything else, really, but what it might feel like to have Nathaniel’s hands on her. She was grateful for the dark, as he likely couldn’t see her blush.

She followed him into the tent. The top was high enough that a person could conceivably stand in the middle, as long as they weren’t as tall as either Cauthrien or Nathaniel. She dropped to her knees once she was inside, while Nathaniel sat on his bedroll. He held out his hand to draw her closer. “I don’t understand,” she grumbled, “why you chose to stay out here rather than in town.”

“The nature of our business here made it easier - better that we can leave quietly, if things go wrong.”

She still didn’t know why the Wardens were here, in this small town at the western edge of Nevarra, but he never offered and she never asked. And even if she was inclined to ask now, she would have lost her train of thought when Nathaniel tugged her closer and pulled her down to the bedroll. A moment later, she was on her back,, which made her grateful that she’d left her armor back at the inn. Nathaniel murmured something that sounded like “waited” before he bent down and claimed her lips.

They’d kissed once before - that kiss had started tentatively, deepened into something that had kindled a slow burn in Cauthrien’s stomach. This kiss was neither tentative nor slow. This was hot and wet and desperate; for all that Nathaniel had seemed cool and collected outside, in here she could feel his hunger in the slide of his tongue, the scrape of teeth on her lip that had her arching into his grasp. This, Cauthrien thought with the last rational corner of her brain, was a fire, raging out of control and burning every inch of her. Nathaniel pressed her into the blankets as he savaged her mouth. She wound her arms around him and fisted her hands in the cloth of his tunic.

There had been tension between them from the start; a week ago, Cauthrien would have attributed it to his parentage, to her lingering unease about the past sins she’d committed at the behest of his father. That may have been so, but now she could admit to herself that this hunger had also played a part. Why him, why here, why now - all questions she’d asked herself, but as she pulled away to trail kisses along the rough skin along his jaw, she couldn’t quite remember why the answers had been so important. How could answers matter, when he was tugging her shirt up and running calloused hands over the skin of her back? She pushed him up far enough that she could strip her shirt off; he did the same, and she took the opportunity to run her hands through the hair that covered his chest, up and over his shoulders until she could bury her hands in his hair and kiss him again.

He tugged on the ties to her breast band until they fell apart in his hands. He pulled it away from her body as he laid her back down; she was cold for a brief moment before he bent and took a nipple into his mouth. Cauthrien couldn’t suppress her moan. Nathaniel wasn’t gentle - as he sucked at one breast, his hand came up to grasp the other, pinching and tugging at her nipple until she cried out with a pleasure that bordered on pain. When he switched sides, she let her head fall back against the blanket and bit her lip until she was afraid she’d bleed. She released her lip with a whimper, which made Nathaniel leave off his attentions and come back to her mouth. “Let me hear you,” he murmured against her mouth. “I want to hear you.”

“The whole fucking forest will hear me,” she argued, digging her nails into his back.

“I don’t care.” As if to prove a point, Nathaniel shifted enough that he could slide his hand down her body and underneath the waistband of her trousers. When he cupped her heat through her smalls, she couldn’t help but let out an incoherent groan. “Yes,” he said. “Just like that.”

He sat up and tugged her trousers down and off. He fondled her gently through her smalls for a minute - Cauthrien whined in an undignified way when he pressed his fingers right there, oh Maker - but soon pulled those away as well. She started to sit up, intending to help him out of his own trousers, but he pushed her down and braced an arm against her torso, holding her in place. She didn’t quite grasp his intent until he slid down and pressed a wet kiss against the inside of her thigh. Every muscle in her body tensed. “Fuck,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows. It seemed obscene, to see him down there, to feel his breath against that most sensitive part of her. She wasn’t a virgin, by any stretch of the imagination - there had always been willing men around to use when her body needed it - but no one had ever … ever … “You don’t have to …” she said, as he kissed her just below the juncture of her thigh and her pelvis.

Nathaniel looked up at her, grey eyes darker than she’d ever seen them. He searched her face for a moment, then let out a low growl. “Shut up,” he said, just before he slid two fingers into her folds. The feel of one fingertip circling her nub made her collapse back and grab at the blanket. She closed her eyes, and therefore didn’t see him close the distance and touch his tongue to the spot he’d just circled around. The strangled sound she let out embarrassed her, but she didn’t have time to contemplate it before she felt the vibration of his voice moaning something unintelligible. The sensation skittered up her spine and banished any thoughts - coherent or not - she might have.

And then he set his mouth to her and sucked, and she didn’t care that she screamed, because there was no other response she could possibly have. They might have heard her in town, for all she cared - the only thing that mattered was Nathaniel’s mouth, his evil, talented mouth and the things it was doing to her. Eventually, she felt a finger slide inside her, and all she could do was squirm until Nathaniel was forced to take his other hand and hold her torso down again. He shifted until he was kneeling next to her, one leg draped across his shoulders, and returned to his task, this time sliding two fingers into her heat. She wanted to tell him to move them faster, to take them out and replace them with his cock, to leave her be and to never stop and that her skin burned for him and -

\- and then waves of pleasure overtook her, and the only noise she could make was his name, chanted over and over like a prayer.

When she caught her breath again, she opened her eyes to find him kneeling above her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re good at that,” was the first thing out of her mouth. It wasn’t what she’d intended to say, but she was having a hard time holding a thought for more than a moment.

Nathaniel grinned. “Thanks.” With that, he reached for his trousers and started to push them off. Cauthrien was gratified to see his hands and legs shaking - it was good to know that she wasn’t the only one feeling weak and needy. When he was finally naked, she sat up and reached out to stroke his cock, already swollen and standing ready. When she wrapped her fingers around him, he reached down and grabbed her wrist. “I don’t want to spill over your hand,” he said, voice rough. “But I will, if you do that.”

That brought a smile to Cauthrien’s lips; she released him and knelt up on shaky knees. Once they were face to face, she kissed him and pressed close, reveling in the feel of him hard against her belly. He spread his hands over her back and urged her backward. They kissed for a few minutes; sloppy, teasing kisses, full of tongues and teeth and swallowed moans. Cauthrien felt herself shimmy and rub against him. The heat of his skin was intoxicating, and she wanted every bit of her own body pressed against his.

Finally, Nathaniel nipped at her bottom lip and pulled back, gently pushing at her shoulders until she lay back down on her back. He slid one hand underneath her bottom as he positioned himself between her legs and grasped his cock with the other. When she felt him slide inside, her breath hitched and she dug her heels into the blanket. She looked up to see his eyes closed, as he grabbed her hips and buried himself deep inside her. She memorized the line of his throat, the set of his jaw, the taut muscles in his arms. He was beautiful, so beautiful … she might have whispered it aloud, because he opened his eyes and looked down at her, his expression full of something that made her heart pound in her chest.

He took a deep breath, dug his fingers harder into her skin, and began to move. She was going to have finger-shaped bruises on her hips, and she didn’t care, because this was everything, more than everything she’d wanted. It felt so good, she could stay here forever, ignoring the twinge in her back and shoulders from the way her back arched, because a tiny bit of discomfort was nothing compared to the feeling of him slamming into her over and over again. He made low noises, his voice little more than a growl. She heard her name once, saw his arms shake as his pace faltered. “Go on,” she urged him, her voice shaking from the motion. “Come for me. Please.”

It might have been the “please” that sent him over the edge. As soon as the word left Cauthrien’s lips, Nathaniel thrust harder once, twice, and then she felt him spill inside her. He went silent as he came, instead taking deep, uneven breaths with an open mouth and closed eyes. Cauthrien couldn’t take her eyes off him, not until he’d slipped from her and collapsed onto the blankets next to her. Only then did she close her eyes to steady her own breathing.

When she could speak, she turned on her side to face him. “I hope,” she said, still a bit breathless, “that your friends didn’t come back to camp.”

Nathaniel chuckled. “I’m pretty sure they knew what our intentions were. I think they probably headed the roundabout way back into town.”

“Wait, you told them?” Cauthrien frowned.

“No, but they have eyes. I guess I haven’t been subtle when I’m around you.” He tangled a leg in between hers, scooting over until their foreheads were nearly touching. He looked as if he wanted to say something else, but after a moment he simply brought a hand up to her face. “Will you stay?”

Cauthrien snorted. “What, sleep on the hard ground when I have a perfectly good bed? No thanks.” _And this is too much._ Fucking was one thing. This intimacy - feeling his breath on her face, fighting the urge to burrow into his chest and fall asleep - was not what she’d come here for. When he caressed her cheek, her stomach fluttered, and she swallowed something hot in her throat.

No. This was nothing she wanted.

Abruptly, she sat up and started fumbling for her clothes. She was half-dressed before she felt Nathaniel do the same. They didn’t speak again until they were clothed and standing outside. The camp was blessedly quiet. She turned to face him. “So …”

Nathaniel shrugged, a small smile on his face. “I have to go into town tomorrow for supplies. Perhaps I’ll see you then.”

She wasn’t on a job right now - her only plans were to tend to her weapons and help Tomas exercise the horses. “Perhaps. Unless we get work.”

“Of course.”

Cauthrien could feel him watching her as she rode away. Later, curled up in her own bed, she closed her eyes and tried not to feel a phantom body pressed against hers. The fantasy would do her no good. She’d slept alone all her life, and would continue to do so for a long time to come.

She stared at the ceiling for most of the night. Damn him anyway.


End file.
